January 16, 2003

I've closed our forums due to bsolute lack of interest. Instead I switched my Mazevo community over to a forum for The Creative Spirit Art Center. It's really a worthwhile site, and cause, head over and check it out.

- Trails          

January 14, 2003

Happy New Year, ya raving bunch of percocet abusing cattle molesters!

It seems my site has gravitated from one or two updates per month, to bloody fucking never updating. I guess it's the price you pay for substituting my computer derrived illusion of a social life with a paint-thinner induced illusion of a social life.

As some of you may know, I've over the last few months taken an interest in metal working. It's loads of fun, and if anyone wants to try it, I recommend Steven Waters and The Forge and Anvil Metal Studio.

Anyways, since my entry into the world of singledom, I've tried various techniques to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex. My first attempt consisted of wearing a red velvet smoking jacket, smoking a pipe and insisting everyone call me "Heff". After that didn't work, I tried my hand at interprative dance. While this earned me a great deal of attention, it was mostly from guys with moustages and/or goatees. One of them had an Atari shirt....

My most recent attempt to garner a "friend" has led me to take a cooking class. I figured that, since cooking is a woman's thing, much like cleaning, making babies, and keep their goddam mouths shut(I wonder why women don't like me?), there would be a lot of women there. Ladies and gentlemen, it was a sausage fest, and we weren't cooking any! Well, my two new hobbies have earned me many mockings, including this gem (thanks, Connor):

I think I'm just gonna go buy some gold chains, rice up a civic, and start calling every girl I see "baby".

- Trails          

September 6, 2002

Some of you may have seen the MTV music video awards. Most of you probably haven't, any award show where the trophy is shaped like an astronaut is bound to fucking suck. Well, Eminem, aka Slim Shady, ever the image of restraint and dignity, decided he would further improve his image by trying to pick a fight with Moby.

Many say that the tension between these two artists began when Moby expressed the opinion that Eminem's lyrics were misogynistic, which is of course completely unfounded and baseless, Eminem is a huge supporter of women's rights. Ahem.

Don't get me wrong, I kinda like Eminem's music, but he's not exactly burning bras here, and he knows it. This made me suspicious that the whole misogyny theory. Why would Eminem care if someone called him a misogynist. That's like Busta Rhymes getting mad because someone pointed out he smokes weed. It's part of their image.

My suspicions nagged at me for some time, before, I finally got on my deerstalker hat, and decided to do some investimagatin'! Well, I figured it out. The whole "Wah! Wah! He called me a misogynist!" stance from Eminem is purely a front. My I present to you:

ithinkimfunny.com's Completely Baseless and Absolutely Untrue Exposé on Eminem and Moby: What Really Happened

Eminem has portrayed himself as a young man who grew up with little support from his familly in the rough inner city streets of Detroit. This is a complete lie, he actually grew up in an exclusive suburb of Newport, Conneticut. His father was a VP Sales for Preperation H and his mother was a loving housewife who stayed home to raise Eminem and teach him how to do macromé and bake muffins.

When he was sixteen, he saw a touring music show. He was captivated by something he saw there, something that would change his life. DJ I'm So Happy was at the show, practicing a relatively new form of music, tentatively called techno. It captured young Eminem's heart and soul.

For the next four months, techno was all he could speak about. His parents were worried at first, Eminem had stopped baking muffins with his usual frequency, but, after consulting the school's psychologist and Richard and Erma Dermot, their next door neighbours, and parents of Eminem's good friend at the time, Bernard, they decided they would encourage their son's interest in music. For his birthday they got him two turntables, a mixer, and a computer, everything a budding techno artist would need. It was a decision that would change the face of music in ways no one could imagine.

Eminem used to say that playing made him him feel sunny, so he took up the stage name DJ Sunny Boy. At the age of 18, he had got his big break. He had a gig at the local club next to the town hospital, which doubled as an ice cream parlour during the day, called Blueberry Hill. The club manager, a man by the name of Michael Hendrickson had to decided to give the young kid a break.

Blueberry Hill had been built in the early 1930's when building code was lax. The sewage pipes were made out of iron. Micheal Hendrickson had knowingly left the pipes, and not replaced them as building codes said he should have. It was a decision which would affect history.

Eminem had been selling tickets for weeks, and the show had attracted the attention of several Newport-based music magazines. And a scout for Virgin records, who were interested in tapping into this new genre which seemed to be catching on.

DJ Sunny Boy: "It was a good show, people were dancing, everyone was having a good time. The lights flickered, then ... shit happened... oh god.... *sob*"

Shit happened indeed. The flickering of the lights was caused by a massive power surge. Channeled through the speakers, the surge created a massive electro-magnetic field which tore the Blueberry Hill's iron pipes up through the floor, showering the entire crowd in raw sewage and impaling the record scout on a broken pipe, killing him almost instantly. Some say he was one of the luckier ones. The human waste in the pipes running underneath the club had come from the hospital, which was in the process of dealing with a small outbreak of the flesh eating virus. Many people were scarred for life, one man even lost an arm. DJ Sunny Boy's rise to fame was over before it had begun.

It was later revealed that power surge was caused by the errors of a drunken safety manager in the local power plant, named Herman Moby.

- Trails          

June 19, 2002

Now that that's over, let's get down to the real issue at hand to day: Mike Tyson.

Tyson got the shit kicked out of him. It's kinda funny, all his massive shit-talking, and then Lennox hands him his ass on a plate. Still though, you gotta respect Tyson's strong undercurrent of respect for the game exemplified by his shouting out of "I'll fuck you 'till you love me, fagget!" at the pre-fight weigh in, to his honourable "It's a great payday." after the fight. Truly, Tyson is a role model and a wonderful sportsman, whose conduct borders on chivalry. Personally, I'm just wondering how much sedatives they gotta pump into him daily to keep him from sexually assaulting his tv set.

- Trails          

May 16, 2002

- Trails          

April 18, 2002

To keep this site's ravenous and massive fan base happy, I'm updating again.

- Trails          

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